The Tarot Card Of Strength

Melinda's Musings

There is a Tarot Card that represents Strength.  I was introduced to the Tarot by someone who is always filled with passion and enthusiasm regarding her interests and so when she shared with me her discovery and use of Tarot, I became curious.  I bought a deck and from time to time depending on my day, I will pull a random card and then look up what it means.  I must offer a quick disclosure!  I am not a student of Tarot, nor do I even have a rudimentary understanding about the art of Tarot, so for those of you who do, please excuse me if any of the vocabulary I have used in discussing it is incorrect.

This card, Strength, which I pulled last week, struck me so strongly and has stayed with me all week.  It feels profound and important.   This card immediately resonated with me and seemed to speak to the deepest part of myself, reminding me where I have been, what I have learned and what I hope to continue to seek.  I didn't look this one up; I went with my intuitive understanding.

My whole life I have been a fighter.  When I was younger, however, and was confronted with people, places and events that I perceived as dangerous and threatening, I would respond like a lion. I come out roaring. 
I genuinely hated this part of me and I just couldn't understand how I could so quickly go from being a reasonably stable person to someone so out of control.

Like most things in my life, I lived in the belief that I should figure this out and solve it..by myself.  I should be smart enough, strong enough, resourceful enough to fix this part of me that behaved so irrationally.

I remember when my son was born and his birth defects started to emerge one by one, my old way of fighting just didn't work.  Like many, who as they say, "ran out of road before they ran out of problems”, I decided I better seek some help.  Yes, I who believed I should figure it all out on my own, I who thought of myself as strong and resilient, was finally going to waive the white flag and admit defeat.  I felt the opposite of strong, I felt hopeless, impotent in my ability to handle my life and in nine kinds of pain.  I will be forever grateful for that pain.

The beautiful woman in the card can probably be interpreted as a spiritual angel, the nurturing feminine, and friends and family who are sacred to us.  What she represents to me is "Help".  "Help" became the balm to my pain.  "Help" from others and Spirit is the energy that tames the beast.  This card so eloquently shows, however, that the beast is not tamed through force.  The beast is tamed through love, acceptance and kindness and that beautiful animal goes to one that can look terrifying to one that is now so clearly safe and calm and reflecting back the love it is receiving.

For me, "Help" started by going into therapy.  I was blessed to meet a gifted therapist and her kindness and acceptance allowed me to stay and I could feel myself experience calmness and safety just being in her office.  She taught me about trauma (our perception of danger) and how it activates our emotional brain, and we fly into fight or flight.  I wasn't just out of control; I was neurologically getting triggered and flooded.  What I needed was to learn to desensitize the triggers, recognize the ones that still had some charge and learn how to bring my brain back online to regulate myself.  That's the technical part of what I learned by getting "Help."

"Help," however grew into something far more powerful.  "Help" became what I felt when met with such acceptance and compassion.  "Help" took the forms of friendships I made with women I was willing to be vulnerable and show my fears.  "Help" grew as I rebuilt relationships with my family.  "Help" expanded further by building a spiritual life and a connection with a Higher Power.   "Help" continues to arrive in the form of beautiful teachers who share their wisdom when I am willing to admit the need for that knowledge and teaching.   "Help" offers me power when I feel at my most powerless, and most importantly it builds my strength when I feel at my weakest.

Today if, and likely when, the beast is once again activated, I know that it will be tamed, and my strength will be restored by admitting my weakness and reaching out for "Help."