Most people I meet tell me that their primary romantic relationship is incredibly important to them. For people who are not in a significant relationship they often share that it is what they long for the most. Self-help books line the shelves telling us how to find love, how to flirt, how to be romantic, how to improve our sex lives and how to communicate. Movies, television and books almost always include a love story as either the main plot or at least a significant secondary part of the script and plot. It’s virtually impossible to listen to any radio station that plays music and not hear lyrics of love filtering through the speakers.
Love appears to be what most people seek and yearn for and yet when they actually find that relationship they relegate it to the ordinary. I have said that we often spend the same amount of time and energy working on our relationships equal to the amount of time and energy it takes to open a can of beans when preparing dinner. Everything seems to become more important than tending to your partner. School, work, children, time commitments, friendships, shopping, etc. all seem to get more emotional energy in any given day that the relationship that would devastate you if you lost it.
From my point of view and from listening to people, I have found that relationships are often one of pain and frustration due to the lack of work being put into making them what both partners want; a successful and fulfilling relationship. People often share with me that they do not feeling heard or cared about, and feel unsatisfied. They are irritated about not having enough sex or their partner wanting it too often. They are angry about not having enough help and support from their partner. I listen and I hear how upset and unfulfilled they feel. Curiously enough, though, when I pose the question, “Have you talked to you partner about this?” most people answer “no” with exasperation. They either expect their partners to just know what they need, are afraid that their request will fall on deaf ears, or are concerned that it will cause conflict and another episode in a cycle of never ending, never resolved fighting.
What I have come to observe is that people often feel the least confident in their ability to create a healthy relationship than any other area. They feel they are capable at their jobs and in their careers. They believe they are able to parent their children. They can manage all of their appointments and social commitments. When it comes to their relationships, however, they often feel powerless and that their efforts are futile. As human beings we tend to do what we feel we are good at and so we ignore our relationships because at the end of the day we just feel it won’t help.
We are offering a workshop in October to help you and your partner begin the process of learning how to create a relationship that fulfills and satisfies you both. We are asking you to dedicate a day to improving the thing in your life that likely most affects the quality of your days. I guess the question is why wouldn’t you do this?
Call the office for more information concerning the Authentic Relationships workshop taking place on October 26th, or about couples counseling.