"The Worst Loneliness is to Not be Comfortable With Yourself"

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
-Mark Twain

I spent many years feeling both lonely and uncomfortable with myself.    I would have told you, however, that they were two very different things.  I was lonely because I didn’t have the people, places or things in my life that I wanted.  I was uncomfortable because I was filled with self loathing.  This quote represents one of the “truths” I have come to understand.  My true loneliness came from being uncomfortable with myself.

My discomfort stemmed from a pervasive focus of what was wrong.   Yes, I could easily tell you how things around me were wrong, but what I had a hard time really admitting was that I believed I was wrong.  I spent so much time focused on everything about me that I judged as inadequate.   I could make a whole day out of picking myself apart with such harshness.   That action of deeming ourselves as damaged is what today I call self abandonment.  We abandon ourselves with judgment and meanness.

True loneliness, the loneliness that is so deep it is palpable, stems from us abandoning ourselves.  This is what I believe Mark Twain was talking about.  When we are not at home with ourselves and who we are, warts and all, we feel emotionally, spiritually and even physically lonely.

Today when I feel lonely, my peace lies in coming back to accepting myself and by that I mean accepting all of who I am, not just the parts I deem acceptable at the time.  How often do we describe the feelings of disconnection with ourselves as loneliness?