Greetings from "Way Beyond my Comfort Zone"

For those of you who don't know I have been away at an ashram in the beautiful hills of Virginia.  This is Week Three of the four week commitment.   It should be noted I am only now at a place of feeling I can sit at a computer and begin to express myself with any level of reasonableness.

I was frequently asked before I left why I wanted to come to this ashram.  I shared that I was going to experience life out of my comfort zone.  I wanted to  further my personal growth and recovery.  I wanted to gain greater insight and a deeper connection to the Universal Spirit of my understanding.  I wanted to regularly meditate, take yoga classes and eat healthy food.  It was all very lofty and abstract surrounded by images of love and light.

What I seemed to have glossed over in my plans, was what it really means to be out of my comfort zone.  It has not been love and light and singing angels.   It has been really hard. 

Every comfort I have come to rely on including lots of personal space and privacy that comes from living alone, my daily food selection options, my wonderful bed, setting my own schedule, and getting to pick and choose whom I interact with have all been removed for this period of time.  I didn't realize until I got here how much of my life I have intentionally constructed to keep me comfortable. 

I would like to tell you I have just embraced this and am enjoying every moment.  That, however, would be a great untruth.  The reality is that I have not accepted this discomfort well.  I have found myself griping, both silently and out loud, at every step.  I have whined about the food, the bed, the schedule, the work, the people.  The beginning was filled with apprehension and uncertainty and then quickly moved into being miserable.

Thank goodness for cell phones.  I hear my beautiful friends tell me to stick with it.  I hear myself promising not to abandon myself.  I hear and see the lessons surrounding this experience.

Now I have moved into a place of acceptance rather than resistance though this may change when I get up from the computer.  I am finding ways to get peaceful in the discomfort.  Most importantly, I am finally getting a glimpse of the joy in leaving the comfortable.  I have a sense that it is in the discomfort fully felt that the magic happens.  We'll see.